Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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