We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
