Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
