Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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