Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
