So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
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I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
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so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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