yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
