420 ftw
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
