Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
