I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
