you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
