oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
