yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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