I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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