If that was your dad, he is hot
id be glad to
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
