i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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