i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
