sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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