Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
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The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
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I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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