woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
