She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
she told me i tasted like america
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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