Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
