apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
