smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
