youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
splinters make it hard to masturbate
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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