you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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