you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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