This is not my ceiling
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
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