The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
