yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Hippo gnu deer
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
