Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
