I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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