so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Randomize
