so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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