Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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