just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
