Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
