evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Sext me about skeletons
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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