wakey wakey hands off snakey
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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