I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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