I got chris browned last night
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
