My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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