he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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