He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
