I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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