Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Congratulations! We have a period
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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