Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Jerry, you need to find god
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
