i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
