we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
