You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
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She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
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my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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