First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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