Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
last night I used snow as a chaser
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
