i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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