I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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