I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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