Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
