Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
