Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
