Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
