I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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