YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
