College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
