Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
