Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
