So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm at about main and main street
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
