Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
