Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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