Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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