I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
