You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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