There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Randomize
