the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
