he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
