I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
