It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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